A Sinful Life

It is a very weird feeling of bliss when my boring Saturday turned from unplanned to complicated…

Complicated to the sense, I do not know what exactly to behave… hehehe

Greedily thinking I look forward to one of my dreams the previous nights… Actually I really want it to happen… hehehe I’m so selfish…

Another jack from the box are text messages coming from an old company… the text messages straightly reminded me of the forgotten habits of the PG13 group… According to her, she misses those a lot. I, in my position and to be honest, I can’t remember the feeling… T-T, This is probably true because I occassionally got a changes of peers (barkada) due to many different and unknown circumstances. If there is any of my barkadas previously existed that I would like to be with again or to see again. "Yun barkada namin nina Andre, Anton, Karlo, Mark, BJ, etc… I miss you guys, lalo na scathered tayo kung saan-saan…" But I never regret being with the other peers that came in my life.

Actually I can’t wait for September…

(1) I want to meet someone… Even it would be a new schedule by the end of the term and I have no plans what my schedule would be… I still want to meet someone special…

(2) I want the first quarter to end, I’m struggling, need to finish it and start a new one freshly and lively… I know that I might not be having a scholarship for the next quarterm…

(3) I just want to open new doors for new people… The doors are currently lock.. And to implement my September resolution

Should I feel mad? Should I feel excited? Should I feel happy? Or should I feel sad?

Just watched the movie entitled Big Fish, I was touched…

Two days ago I dreamt of a very weird but very delightful dream…

What was happening in the dream is definitely weird and have 10% chances to occur…

*Kung sino-sino tao nga ang nasa panaginip ko hehehe… pero na aalala ko lang the most eh yun kasama ko c Stipz… Yun libro koh nasa kanya pa… whahaha…

On the contrary, I would like that dream to happen…

It is a funny feeling that people you don’t even think bother to mess with your dream…

I miss a lot of people… I need them beside me… I feel so incomplete…

My peers, Ooopsss, I have none here in Intramuros… Relatively the old shadow of a cold-hearted soldier is coming to proclaim his return…

I need a break… yeah a lot of time… I need to be with some persons I do miss… I can’t function… I can’t feel my body… I can’t sense time…

There is only one thing I have in mind… How I wish that dream did not end or How I wish to dream it again… hehehe… How I wish…

After some time, finally someone knocks at my door…

Unsure whether to open the door, I took a quick glance…

I opened the door but never left them enter…

Yeah them… for some time I received several knocks from different persons…

My heart wasn’t brave enough to fall in love again…

A few dates… and some more dates… and still I found myself single…

Bakit nga ba???

Ayaw ko pa eh… I still look forward being with someone I really love or someone who is willing to wait for me… Can she wait???

Time is fast… My last blog post was 20 days ago… And here am I again puzzled…

During the past few days I often make sure to myself to see some persons of my past… The feeling could be either happy or sad or both…

I am living my current life without having a single form of denial… My guilt which slowly driving my mind down…

I am sad and that’s true… I could even compare myself to a rusted nail… I’m on a drought; a drought which is more than 4 months and still going…

Is this feast or famine? Everything in my life seems to move to quickly and yet here I am, still mourning about my lost…

Brenda already had her baby… And I feel that I’m no longer a child that I must reorient myself…

Last saturday during the conversation with Brenda and Cupshape… I was reminded of the cold-hearted me… The person who never gives up and fight for what he believed, also fight for what he wants…

At that moment, I wish I was that old fellow… Damn!!! It was more than a year ago when Justin somehow changed me… I turned soft… Even Raizu could confirm to that…

I learned to give my trust to anyone and forgetting my standards… My grounds for judgment were blocked by massive fogs of emotions… WHen did I’ve learned all of these emotions???

Now the question is, "Will I continue to stay like this and wish for the better? or Will I throw the cards and remove what was before to win? or Forget about the psychatog scenario and stick to a soluti0n to a n0n-mathematical Equation?