A Sinful Life

It has been a long while yet nothing really does change or should I say everything changes unexpectedly.

During the past weeks I would consider myself in the weakling category. I know at that time and also at current time that I cannot be what I try to project…

The big deal is I haven’t really tried hard at all. Guess I’m still the lazy little decent minded teen, who used to play around with his toys. Every little thing hissed into my ever curious mind and stuck me to my last blink of consciousness. My dirty and heinous mind always suspects, theories created and then still remained as damn theories. Now like before I am still corrupted by what I labeled as pernicious deeds.

The bottomline would be I’m not that responsible; I’m not attractive; I’m not that flexible; I’m not that wise; I’m not that powerful; I’m not that courageous; I’m not that blissful; I’m not that decisive; I’m not that great; I’m not that intuitive; I’m not that witty; I’m not that respectful; I’m not that perfect; and I’m not what others think of…

In my entire life, there were times that it would be preferably better to just keep to myself what I feel. Whether it was anger, fear, love or else. But once, I did dare to finally see the picture. The caricature of what I’m going to face. The consequences of my action. Knowingly today I would end up in a different scenario if and only if I held it to myself. Perhaps I’m in a happier frame.

So now is hell endothermic or exothermic? So does this question related to the written above… then how much will I pay for x?