A Sinful Life

It is a very weird feeling of bliss when my boring Saturday turned from unplanned to complicated…

Complicated to the sense, I do not know what exactly to behave… hehehe

Greedily thinking I look forward to one of my dreams the previous nights… Actually I really want it to happen… hehehe I’m so selfish…

Another jack from the box are text messages coming from an old company… the text messages straightly reminded me of the forgotten habits of the PG13 group… According to her, she misses those a lot. I, in my position and to be honest, I can’t remember the feeling… T-T, This is probably true because I occassionally got a changes of peers (barkada) due to many different and unknown circumstances. If there is any of my barkadas previously existed that I would like to be with again or to see again. "Yun barkada namin nina Andre, Anton, Karlo, Mark, BJ, etc… I miss you guys, lalo na scathered tayo kung saan-saan…" But I never regret being with the other peers that came in my life.

Actually I can’t wait for September…

(1) I want to meet someone… Even it would be a new schedule by the end of the term and I have no plans what my schedule would be… I still want to meet someone special…

(2) I want the first quarter to end, I’m struggling, need to finish it and start a new one freshly and lively… I know that I might not be having a scholarship for the next quarterm…

(3) I just want to open new doors for new people… The doors are currently lock.. And to implement my September resolution

Should I feel mad? Should I feel excited? Should I feel happy? Or should I feel sad?

Just watched the movie entitled Big Fish, I was touched…

Two days ago I dreamt of a very weird but very delightful dream…

What was happening in the dream is definitely weird and have 10% chances to occur…

*Kung sino-sino tao nga ang nasa panaginip ko hehehe… pero na aalala ko lang the most eh yun kasama ko c Stipz… Yun libro koh nasa kanya pa… whahaha…

On the contrary, I would like that dream to happen…

It is a funny feeling that people you don’t even think bother to mess with your dream…

I miss a lot of people… I need them beside me… I feel so incomplete…

My peers, Ooopsss, I have none here in Intramuros… Relatively the old shadow of a cold-hearted soldier is coming to proclaim his return…

I need a break… yeah a lot of time… I need to be with some persons I do miss… I can’t function… I can’t feel my body… I can’t sense time…

There is only one thing I have in mind… How I wish that dream did not end or How I wish to dream it again… hehehe… How I wish…

After some time, finally someone knocks at my door…

Unsure whether to open the door, I took a quick glance…

I opened the door but never left them enter…

Yeah them… for some time I received several knocks from different persons…

My heart wasn’t brave enough to fall in love again…

A few dates… and some more dates… and still I found myself single…

Bakit nga ba???

Ayaw ko pa eh… I still look forward being with someone I really love or someone who is willing to wait for me… Can she wait???

Time is fast… My last blog post was 20 days ago… And here am I again puzzled…

During the past few days I often make sure to myself to see some persons of my past… The feeling could be either happy or sad or both…

I am living my current life without having a single form of denial… My guilt which slowly driving my mind down…

I am sad and that’s true… I could even compare myself to a rusted nail… I’m on a drought; a drought which is more than 4 months and still going…

Is this feast or famine? Everything in my life seems to move to quickly and yet here I am, still mourning about my lost…

Brenda already had her baby… And I feel that I’m no longer a child that I must reorient myself…

Last saturday during the conversation with Brenda and Cupshape… I was reminded of the cold-hearted me… The person who never gives up and fight for what he believed, also fight for what he wants…

At that moment, I wish I was that old fellow… Damn!!! It was more than a year ago when Justin somehow changed me… I turned soft… Even Raizu could confirm to that…

I learned to give my trust to anyone and forgetting my standards… My grounds for judgment were blocked by massive fogs of emotions… WHen did I’ve learned all of these emotions???

Now the question is, "Will I continue to stay like this and wish for the better? or Will I throw the cards and remove what was before to win? or Forget about the psychatog scenario and stick to a soluti0n to a n0n-mathematical Equation?

Gone were the days when I could feel the sunlight waking me up… No more good morning instead I have it’s nearly time for your class…

It has been more than 4 months now and nearly 5 months as well… Nothing happens….. I still continue to flunk my studies… poor me…

I also continue to sleep more than 12 hours every tuesday and thursday… Very bad sleeping habits…

Plus I think I managed to play DotA for at least 5 hours in a week… bad…

My relationship with my previous peers is also pricking me like a balloon… honestly I missed them (They’ll probably wont even bother reading this, who the hell bothers)

Due to these non-exact freak of nature, I have formulated a step by step solution…

Eq. 1: get a new Love life

Eq. 2: better study habits

Equate Eq. 1 and Eq. 2 thus eliminating loneliness: Improvement of social life and academic standing…

Finally I’ll box myself, hoping that this solution is correct…

Last saturday, 16th of July nothing happened…

It was a very tranquil day… boring…

Waking up around 8 then do the morning rituals and fixing my things…

Sooner I left Manila to Angeles…

Eventually took lunch… Then fixed some dumb magic cards…

it was around 1:30, the rain poured hard…

I needed an umbrella for my travel to my bestfriend’s house…

The day was so dull… Nakakainis yun jeepney na papuntang Carmenville kailagan puno bago umalis sa Nepo… Kahit isa na lang ang kulang maghihintay pa…

2:30 I have just arrived at my bestfriend’s house…

My day with my bestfriend…

I could describe it as 90% boring… no offend sa kanya ha…

Dun lang naman kami dun sa kanyang room na after 2 years ay iba na ang setting…

Well we talked… most of the time I was just lying on the bed…

"Kailan ko pa naging hobby ang mahiga sa kama… Ang tamad ko na talaga…"

If I could recall I left the place around 6:10 pm in the clock…

The day was still dull…

I was even expecting an invitation to Northern Brew from somebody else but none came…

One hideous thing that happened that day was I missed one of my crushes who happened to drop by the house together with my sister that afternoon… Whaaaa… sayang…

And I ended that just sleeping it was still a very boring day…

Kung nga single kayo hanapin niyo na lang yun mp3 na alone(piano version) from Gensomaden Saiyuki… hehehe

A story from a stranger…

A lie from a friend…

Which one would you probably believe…

During the past few days I have been playing GUNBOUND…

playing gunbound with the former people in my wicked old group…

I don’t know whether to consider them in the friend group or the accomplice group…

Things really matter specially today…

I could still remember what my Baby Ruth had told me more than a year ago and I could still remember what bitter events happened during that time.

exactly more than six hours ago…

I was playing gunbound with them…

With Baba’s consisitent and annoying messages during the game… I remembered what happened before and how it affected the relationships in our group.

Actually playing with them is still fun

Playing with Justin, triggered the anger in my mind to focus more on eliminating him in the game rather than winning the game… How did he became so selfish and ignorant? I couldn’t even tell myself that he used to give me advice back then…

Is it enough to say sorry? Is it enough to say forgiven?

Do they think that everything is alright between two persons, who have unsolved issues between themselves?

Minsan hindi ko alam bakit kailagan manaig ang rule na "come and go"

DI ko lam whether I’m going to be happy for my bestfriend…

Ewan ko ba nagbabagong buhay na nga siya…

There i should be happy… Lalala sana nga nagbabagong buhay na…

But lately I’m a little sad… kasi everytime na may problem ako i usually can find him sa NetCafe… Dati dun lang yun… Dun mo siya mahahanap… Eh kaso ngayon di na nga…T-T

Pero we still talk nandyan pa yun telephone at celphone kaya lang every friday and saturday lang… At baka every saturday na lang niyan…

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Tulad lang sa mga kasama ko recently… They come and they go… Meron papalit… ganun naman palagi since wala me permanent na lugar eh…

Minsan ang daling isipin pero mahirap pala paggagawin na… lalo na pag sanay ka na sandali nakukuha mo gusto mo… Hirap siguro

Iniisip ko nga whether to be honest or not… hehehe…

ganto ba ako medyo manhid kung iiwanan ako ng mga taong kilala ko…???

Finally after a 100 years ay nakagawa na me ng blog sa friendster… After mahigit isang term sa Mapua ay nandito nanaman ako unti-unting uniinom ng Iced Mocha galing Northern Brew… Ang tagal na rin pala… 3 months… 3 months na wala sa tamang pag-iisip… For 3 months napakadry ng aking buhay… actually parang black and white… At mahigit 3 months na hindi nakakainom ng kape sa Northern Brew… Ang babaw koo noh… Anong kinalaman ng kape…??? Parang three months ago ay medyo nasa taas pa ako haaaaaa…. Ngayon should we say in the middle o at the buttom…. At bakit ko naman nasabi in the middle o at the buttom??? >>>mga grades ko ay bumaba… >>>wala ng time para sa akin yun dati ko special someone >>>medyo wala na rin time para sa akin bestfriend ko >>>mahirap ang walang barkada sa tabi-tabi hehehe… >>>walang improvement lovelife ko hehehe >>>malas pa me So I feel relatively little… Am I happy???? Obvious ba hindi… Another thing is I can’t think well… para bang occupied ang utak ko ng ewan ko ba… Sabi nga ng title ng blog na toh, A Sinful Life… ganun nga siguro talaga…